Someone you're not
by Jinxy13112
Summary: Ethan and Cal brotherly fic. mainly because I kind of wanted to continue my last one shot but i was advised and agreed that should stay as a one shot. This kind of follows on but you don't have to have read it. Just watched this weeks episode.
1. Chapter 1

Ethan woke with a start, for a second he didn't know where he was, he tried to take a deep breath but was stopped by a crushing pain in his chest. He groaned slightly as everything came back to him, the crash, being in resus with Cal treating him of all people, lying in the high dependency cubicle pretending to sleep as he listened to his brother open up to him.

"Doctor Hardy? Can you hear me Ethan?" A soft voice asked.

Ethan opened his eyes a little more, unable to see clearly due to his lack of glasses right now, he managed a small nod and a whisper of a yes.

"We're going to sit you up and try and make you a little more comfortable now Ethan. If the pain is too much you let us know." She informed him.

Ethan braced himself as the bed was tilted slightly. The movement hurt and almost made him cry out in pain but the finished result was much better, he could feel himself breathing so much easier.

"I'll go and fetch your brother for you, he's been up here on the hour every hour to check we're looking after you. Very protective isn't he?" She smiled slightly as she hooked him up of nasal oxygen and moved the mask away before placing his glasses onto his face.

"Thank you." He spoke quietly and placed his arm protectively around his ribs. Cal, he could remember what he had said. Had all this really brought out a softer side to his brother? He found that hard to believe.

Ethan had been awake for all of 10 minutes before Cal showed up, a big smiled plastered on his face.

"Well you're alive then." He spoke happily as he sat down by my bed.

"I've always been amazed by your amazing observation skills Caleb." Ethan retorted sharply. "But it is thanks to you from what I've heard." He added, credit where credit's due and all.

"All in a day's work." Cal smiled smugly. "Although two ex-girlfriends came into the ED. Awkward isn't even the word."

"Oh god Caleb. Did things kick off between them?" Ethan queried.

"No, no. They were Mother and Daughter. Tricked me into thinking the boy they brought in was my son." Cal told him.

"Mother and Daughter? Really Cal, you need to get some self-respect if anything. I bet you nearly ran a mile when you thought you were a dad?" Ethan spoke amused.

"No, actually. I didn't mind. Would have done my best by the kid. It's what dad's do isn't it?" He told him.

Ethan shrugged his shoulders slightly before moving slightly on the bed to get comfortable causing himself more pain and to take a sharp breath.

"Ok? Are you in pain?" Cal panicked slightly.

"I'm fine, just a little sore." He admitted. "I've had enough pain relief, I don't want to be off my head on drugs all the time."

"Off your head? Ethan it's just to make you comfortable…" Cal told him.

"Well I'm fine." He looked at him. "Since when did you care anyway?"

"What do you mean by that?" Cal frowned at his brother.

"Well you were winding me up not 24 hours ago, taking the mick as usual trying to make my life a living hell. It's what you do. Now I've been a deaths door everyone is saying how good you are how nice you are how protective you are. What's changed Cal?" He spoke with a hint of frustration.

Cal just shrugged his shoulders and looked down.

"You will speak to me when you think I'm asleep but when you have to face me it's a different story." He told him.

Cal looked up at him confused. "What do you mean when I think you're asleep?"

"Last night Cal. I was awake. I heard every word." Ethan informed him.

"Oh.." Cal sighed a little suddenly feeling very uncomfortable.


	2. Chapter 2

They had been sat in silence for about 10 minutes before either one of them spoke.

"You said you should have been a better son…" Ethan started.

"Don't." Cal interrupted.

"Why say that?" He asked ignoring his brother.

"Why do you think Ethan?" Cal sighed looking at him finally. "I didn't see her for so long… almost two years and in that time she got so ill I couldn't recognise her when I finally showed up. She didn't even know I was there she was so dosed up on drugs."

"She had cancer Caleb. You know she did and you didn't bother to visit until the end." Ethan said looking down. "But that is what she loved about you, you could always put up that barrier and forget what hardships there might be and just get on with your life. I couldn't and she was always having a go at me for it."

"What do you mean having a go at you?" Cal frowned.

"Telling me I should be working in a hospital doing what I love instead of working in research. I only did the research so I could do it from the hospice.2 He laughed slightly. "She always said I should be more like you…"

Cal shook his head. "I stayed as far away as possible and you stayed as close as possible. Maybe we should have just both been somewhere in the middle ey?"

Ethan nodded gently.

"I said a lot of things last night Ethan, but don't make me sit and go through it with you. I said it, it's been said. Now let's leave it there yeah?" Cal pleaded.

Ethan smiled slightly in agreement. "I just want to go home now…"

"You're not well enough, just a few more days rest and you can." Cal told him receiving a defeated sigh from his brother.

"I can lay here for a few days Cal. I'll go crazy." He complained

"I'll take you out for some air, in a wheelchair though." Cal suggested and Ethan smiled and gave a nod.

Cal went to get a wheel chair and returned to help Ethan out of bed, which he was not best pleased about. Ethan was in agony and Cal could tell by the look on his brother's face that he was in a lot of discomfort.

"Maybe you should just stay in bed for now, you're in no fit state…" Cal begun.

"I am getting out of this room for an hour or so if it's the last thing I do." Ethan interrupted him angrily whilst gasping in pain as he sat in the wheel chair.

Cal got the oxygen mask and placed it over Ethan's face to help him get his breathing back to normal. After a few deep breaths Ethan batted the mask away.

"I'm fine." He said and relaxed his body as best he could and allowed Cal to wheel him through the ED and outside.

Feeling the cold breeze Ethan shivered slightly but braced it as he was wheeled to the peace garden by his brother. He smiled a little as the chair was stopped beside a bench and Cal took a seat beside him.

"Is that better?" Cal asked.

Ethan nodded. "Much. Don't come out here very often. Probably should it's not that bad."

Cal smiled. "Yeah, it's alright. Good place to sit and think I find."

"You? Think?" Ethan chuckled.

"You'd be surprised you know." Cal looked at him. "I do a lot of thinking, doesn't mean it's any good but I do it."

"I would be carful, might do yourself an injury." Ethan smiled.

"Say's the one in a wheel chair." Cal joked.

As the brother's joked Connie approached them. "I don't think you should be out here doctor Hardy." She spoke without her usual bossy tone.

"I'll be going back in soon Mrs Beauchamp, I just needed some air." He replied nervously.

"Well at least you're feeling a bit better. I have to tell you both though, there was an explosion at the site." She sighed sadly.

"Explosion? I thought everyone was out though right?" Cal asked.

Connie shook her head sadly. "Jeff… he was still inside."

Cal stared at her as Ethan just looked down in shock.

"I thought you should know." Connie finished and left them to it.

"I want to go back in now." Ethan spoke quietly.

Cal didn't argue or even speak. He stood up and pushed his brother back through the ED and back to his room.


	3. Chapter 3

"He would still be alive if it wasn't for me." Ethan mumbled as he turned his head on the pillow to look way from Cal.

Cal looked at him, he hadn't spoken since they got him back to the room. "Ethan, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault it was an accident."

"I was driving!" Ethan snapped turning his head quickly toward Cal causing him to call out in pain.

Cal got to his feet and hovered over Ethan trying to make him stay still. "Ethan you have to relax, you're going to cause yourself more damage if you go on like this."

"Get off me." Ethan pushed his away feebly. "Just leave me alone will you? I preferred you as bully."

Cal sighed, not wanting to distress him anymore he just left and walked down to the ED.

Once in the ED Cal got himself hanged into his scrubs, placed his stethoscope around his neck and went into the department. He collected his first patient's notes and after a quick glance through called them over to a cubicle.

Cal's shift went well over all but Ethan was constantly in the back of his mind, as well as Jeff. The whole department was in mourning and not one person had asked about his brother. He could understand why but for a second he did wonder if they blamed him too.

After a few hours Cal watched as the clock hit 9pm. End of shift, quick change over and he was back in his normal clothes in the staffroom. He had never known that room to be so quiet at that time, it was normally full of people asking who was buying the first round at the pub.

Cal closed his locker and looked up catching eyes with Rita, he smiled slightly and she smiled back before making her way over to him.

"Hey," she spoke softly. "How's Ethan doing?"

"You know you're the only one to ask that." He sighed a little. "Physically he is getting there. Mentally, he's not so good. Blames himself for Jeff."

Rita nodded. "Everyone has been shell shocked today, no one has spoken about anything to do with yesterday." She told him. "It isn't Ethan's fault. Jeff was slow to get out of the car, it was totally unexpected that it was going to go up like that."

"I know that and you know that but Ethan doesn't. I've not seen him like this before. It's weird." He sighed.

"I'll come and talk to him if you think it will help?" Rita asked placing a hand on Cal's arm.

He nodded in response. "Yeah, it would probably be better if it came from someone other than me."

Rita smiled. "Let me get my things and I'll go straight up."

Once Rita had sorted herself out they both went to Ethan's room. Cal waited outside anxiously while Rita went in.

She approached the bed and could see the gentle rise and fall of Ethan's chest as he breathed.

"Ethan?" She asked but didn't get a response. "I know you can hear me, come on."

Ethan groaned. "I just want to be left alone Rita."

"Yes I know but Cal is worried about you." She told him. "He said you think it's your fault."

"Cal should keep his mouth shut." He mumbled.

"He is trying to look out for you. It wasn't your fault it was a complete accident. If it was down to you the police would be stood here right now not me." Rita sighed and sat down.

"I was driving, we were lost. I didn't know the roads and didn't know where I was going. The map was too old." He sighed. "I wanted to use the sat-nav on my phone but Mrs Beauchamp wouldn't let me. I just backed down and did it her way like the coward I am. I should have at least pulled over while we figured out where we were going."

"Ethan, life is full of ifs and buts but that doesn't make what you did actually do wrong." Rita said leaning over placing a hand on Ethan's arm. "No one is blaming you…"

Ethan sniffed a little and with his spare hand wiped his eyes before finally looking at Rita. "I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, only for giving us a scare like that." She smiled kindly. "Is there anything you want or need that I can get you?"

Ethan laughed to himself slightly. "The only thing I want right now no one can get for me."

Rita smiled proudly. "Try me."

"I just want my Mum." Ethan spoke as his eyes filled again. Rita stopped smiling and put her arms around the young doctor. She knew it was out of character for Ethan to act like this, but shock and grief did strange things to people. You just had to look at how Cal had been to see that.

With Ethan crying softly into her shoulder Rita looked up to see Cal looking through the window. She beckoned him in and he did as he was told.

Cal made his way slowly over to Ethan and carefully swapped placed with Rita so he was now holding his little brother. He felt uncomfortable for a second, the only time he had got the close to Ethan was when he was born and Cal was fascinated as to how small he was and was always wanting to hold him.

He rubbed his hand in small circles on Ethan's back in an attempt to comfort him as he relaxed and focused more on Ethan than his own discomforts.

Rita smiled gently at Cal as she picked up her bag and left the brothers to it.

**Not sure whether to continue or to leave this one where it is. I'm enjoying writing for these two right now so any ideas are welcome for fics. Doesn't have to be related to this can be anything. Also if you want me to continue with this fic some ideas of where it could go would be a big help.**

**Big thank you to everyone who have favourited and reviewed this so far 3**


	4. Chapter 4

**Pre-warning you, this chapter isn't that great. Mainly because I'm not 100% sure how to write these two in this situation but I am doing my best. If you guys can think of a way I can improve please just tell me. No offence will be taken. ****J**

The day of the funeral arrived and the whole ED were focusing on celebrating Jeff's life and how he died a hero. The mood had lifted slightly, as much as it could right after a colleagues death but everyone knew this is He s

Ethan had managed to persuade the nurses to allow him to attend the funeral even though he still wasn't recovered and was in a lot of discomfort. Much to Cal's annoyance Ethan wasn't really giving anyone any choice in the matter, he would only discharge himself in the end.

Everyone had entered church, Ethan stayed at the back and sat in the first available seat knowing he couldn't make it any further. From where he sat he could see everyone. Tamzin at the front, crying. Ash, looking as guilty as Ethan felt. The Jamie, the young nurse who he didn't have the chance to get to know very well. He was sat beside Robyn sobbing his heart out. This made Ethan chock up slightly. Jeff had a family, he had a wife and kids. The kids.

He scanned the room until he spotted them, two children one about 16 the other about 13. Both sat staring at their father's coffin. What Ethan assumed was their mother was sat between then gripping their hands. Ethan knew what it was like to lose a parent, but to lose one at their age didn't bear thinking about.

Feeling a sharp pain across his chest Ethan noticed that his breathing had increased. He sat up straight to open his airway and place a hand over his sore ribs as he tried to control his breathing. The service had started a while ago but Ethan hadn't been listening he had been to focused on the people around him and the children.

As Charlie took to the stand Ethan begun to pay full attention.

"Jeff Collier was a brave man." Charlie started. "He died doing what he loved, that car crash was a scary time for all involved but Jeff never showed his fear, not when he had people to help. They were always his main priority."

Ethan had to consciously keep himself together now, it was all getting a bit too much. He could see Jeff's face. When he was trapped in that car Jeff helped him stay calm. If it wasn't for him he would be dead.

"All casualties from that accident are still with us today thanks to Jeff, and on behalf of everyone I'd like to thank him. For 8 years of service to Holby and to the countless lives he's saved." Charlie finished off.

Ethan was now feeling extremely uncomfortable, his chest was tight and the pain had increased to a point where he felt physically sick.

As the coffin was carried out of the church and people followed Ethan stood carefully, feeling he legs wobble he was glad when someone grabbed his arm.

"I wondered where you had got to…" It was Cal. "You don't look so good, I told you not to come."

"I had to say goodbye…" Ethan mumbled as he leant more into Cal unable to hold himself upright.

"Let's get you back to the hospital." Cal said keeping him steady.

Ethan shook his head. "No… not yet. Something I want to do first." He said straightening himself up slightly and walking out the church slowly aware Cal was very close behind him.

As their colleagues gathered around a fresh grave Ethan glanced to them before walking the other way down the grave yard. Cal sighed knowing where he was going. After a few yards Ethan stopped at a grave stone and put his hand on top of it leaning on it slightly, letting it take some of his weight.

Cal stood behind him. "She'd be proud of us, she'd be proud of you…"

Ethan shook his head. "I pretty much killed a man Cal. No one can be proud of that."

"Ethan for god sake. You did not kill Jeff." Cal sighed rolling his eyes.

"I did! If I had been concentrating more on the road! If I knew what I was doing! I could hardly drive the thing Cal! I should have pulled over!" he shouted before sinking down to the ground.

Being only a short distance away the crowd at Jeff's grave turned to see what was going on. Cal stood awkwardly not really knowing how to reacting to his crying brother on the ground while his colleagues looked at them.

He finally knelt down to Ethan. "Come on mate, everyone is looking…"

Ethan just shook his head hiding his face. Cal was relieved when he noticed Rita making her way over after reminding everyone that today was about Jeff and to concentrate on that. Reaching then Rita knelt down to Ethan and put her hand on his arm.

"Ethan, calm down. You're going to make yourself ill…" She spoke gently before looking at Cal. "This your mum's grave?"

Cal gave a slight nod. "Yeah. He thinks he killed Jeff."

Rita lifted Ethan's head. "We've had this conversation, you didn't kill Jeff. It was an accident."

"He… he had kids…" Ethan told her. "Teenagers… imagine your parent dying when you're that young."

"It's terrible but they will move on. Like we all will and will remember Jeff as a good man." Rita explained to him. "Now I think we should get you back to hospital don't you?"

"I'm bleeding…" Ethan admitted and moved his hand that had been around his stomach to show it was covered in bright red blood.

"Why didn't you say sooner!?" Cal snapped as he moved Ethan's arms and undid his shirt. "You've knocked the drain. We need to get it sorted before otherwise you'll be in big trouble."

Ethan groaned as his head lolled to one side.

"Rita, go get my car. Bring it round the front." Cal said passing her the keys. She nodded and swiftly got her feet and ran around to the carpark.

"Right… I'm sorry Ethan but I'm not letting you undo all my hard work." Cal said and lifted him up and carried him to the front of the church where Rita was just pulling in.

She got out and helped get Ethan into the back of the car. With a spare shirt Cal had found in the boot Rita sat in the back of the car with Ethan keeping pressure on the bleed and Cal raced to the hospital.


	5. Chapter 5

**Just wanted to say a huge thank you to the people who are reviewing. Filling me with confidence and giving me valuable feedback. Here is a short filler as I'm not sure when I can next update due to being busy with Uni for a few days now.**

Ethan had been taken back to the hospital and with the help of Connie a new drain had been put it although Ethan was now in a lot of pain and refusing any pain relief. He had been taken back to the high dependency cubicle where Cal sat in silence on the chair by his bed continuously monitoring him.

A few hours past and Ethan began to wake up, he blinked a few times before squeezing his eyes shut willing the pain to go away.

"Ethan?" Cal spoke but Ethan ignored him. "I'm getting you some morphine." He sighed and stood up which sparked a reaction from his younger brother.

"No. No pain relief. I mean it Cal." He spoke, his voice hoarse.

"Why not? Making yourself suffer won't bring Jeff back you know? It's not going to help anyone just make your recovery a hell of a lot harder." He told him annoyed at Ethan's stupidity.

"Just go away Cal." Ethan muttered. "I don't you here."

"Eth…" Cal began.

"No Cal. Please, just go." He then turned his head and closed his eyes attempting to fall back to sleep.

Cal shook his head and stormed out slamming the door behind him causing a few of the nurses to look. He ignored them and headed out of the hospital and to the pub across the road where the funeral group had gathered to drink to Jeff.

Once inside the pub Cal got himself a drink before making his way over to a table consisting of Max, Robyn, Lofty and Jamie.

"Hey, how's Ethan?" Robyn asked clearly concerned for him after seeing him in such a state at the funeral.

"Not great, he's refusing any pain relief. Making himself suffer." Cal sighed taking a big gulp from his glass.

"Why would he do that?" Lofty frowned.

"He blames himself for Jeff. Thinks because he was driving it was all his fault." Cal looked at him.

Jamie shook his head. "It was an accident. Even the police said so. No one expected the car to blow, otherwise the area would have been cleared long before hand."

"Try telling him that." Cal rolled his eyes clearly frustrated.

"I will do. I could talk to him?" Jamie suggested.

"You'd do that?" Cal looked at him.

Jamie nodded in response. "He's my uncle, I know what he is like. He wouldn't want anyone to live with guilt all their lives. I will go and see him in the morning before I leave…"

"Thanks mate" Cal smiled and Jamie nodded in response as he looked over at Robyn, who had been his rock all day, she gave a small sympathetic smile before taking a drink from her glass.


	6. Chapter 6

**This is a short chapter and I did intend to make it longer but I couldn't seem to find anymore words for anyone. I'm slowly losing confidence in this fic but as long as people like it I will continue.**

Morning came quite quickly for most as everyone had had an early night after the funeral. It was a rare occasion when no ED staff had to be bundled into a taxi drunk to get home.

After the memorial Cal had headed back to the hospital, to check in on Ethan to see if he had come to his senses. Instead he had found him sweating and writhing on the bed clearly in discomfort.

He sighed as he looked through the window at his brother. "We think he could have an infection but he won't let us near him. Won't even let us set up IV antibiotics." A nurse spoke as she stood being him. "We want to get him assessed by psych, this is not normal behaviour."

Cal looked at her. "Give him a few days to deal with things, someone is coming to see him later on which could help matters. We have to wait and see."

The nurse nodded. "Let's hope, I'm not sure how much longer he can deal with this."

Cal watched her walk away before he opened the door and went inside.

"Ethan?" Cal spoke going over to the bed trying to calm his brother by touching his arm.

Ethan looked at him wide eyed as if he had been on drugs. "Caleb…" He spoke softly and stopped moving around. "Cal we need to find Dad."

Cal frowned and shook his head. "Why the hell would we need to do that?"

"Because we…" He paused confused. "We just have to ok."

"Ethan you're not well mate. They need you to let them treat you, you could have an infection…" Cal sighed.

"No." Ethan shook his head.

"Ethan punishing yourself isn't going to bring Jeff back." He told him.

"No… he's right. It's not." Said a voice from the door. They both looked to see Jamie standing there smiling a little.

Cal got up and went to him patting his shoulder. "Thanks for this…" He spoke quietly to the young nurse before leaving.

"Jamie? You were the last person I thought would be visiting." Ethan spoke confused. "If Cal has put you up to this then forget it."

Jamie shook his head and took Cal's normal seat beside his bed. "No. It was my idea. He said you were beating yourself over my uncle Jeff."

"It was my fault. I am so sorry…" Ethan apologised. "If I could swap places with him I would in a flash."

"No. Ethan, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. It is not your fault at all. My Uncle Jeff would be telling you off right now if he was here. He wouldn't want you blaming yourself. The family don't blame you so neither should you."

"The kids though, those poor kids." He sighed.

"They will mourn their Dad and grow up knowing he died doing what he loved and as a hero." He told him. "We all miss him. But no one wants you to suffer because of it. He spent his last day helping you, you refusing help now is just meaning what he did was a waste of time." He spoke hoping he wasn't bring too harsh.

Ethan just nodded. "That does make sense. I just… I don't know. He helped me so much and now he is dead, he wasn't even in the crash."

"No, but he was there to help and you know what he is like. He would put his life on the line to save any of his patients." Jamie told him. "Just please, let them treat you, he wouldn't want you suffering now."

Ethan just nodded.

"Thank you, I've got to go, my train leaves in an hour and I promised Robyn I'd say goodbye." Jamie stood up and held his hand out to Ethan.

Ethan shook it gently. "Thank you, and I'm sorry for your loss."

Jamie smiled. "You look after yourself, wouldn't want Cal on your back constantly now would you?" he smirked.

Ethan smiled a little and nodded as he watched Jamie leave and speak to Cal outside. They both shook hands and Jamie left before Cal opened the door.

"Well…" he spoke simply.

"I could do with some pain relief. I don't feel well at all." Ethan finally admitted.

Cal nodded and went off to get his doctor.


	7. Chapter 7

**I feel so much better with this chapter, but it does feel like it had brought the story to an end. I'm out of ideas and while writing this I was thinking maybe I could do a sequel as a separate fic. Let me know what you think in your reviews. I'm open to ideas too so if anyone has any other suggestions let me know, you can PM me if you like. All ideas will be credited of course and dedicated. This chapter is dedicated to Curious Rebel and DarkestWolfx plus everyone who has reviewed and followed this story :) J x**

The day passed slowly, Ethan was being constantly checked by doctors. Cal was becoming quite concerned by his brother's condition. Throughout the day he had watched his face become paler and the sweat was beginning to make his face shine. It could be a reaction to the antibiotics, Cal thought, but it seemed too severe to be that.

Ethan groaned slightly as he tried to push himself up choking slightly. Cal knew exactly what was going on and grabbed a bowl holding it under Ethan's chin as he threw up. Once he was done Cal helped him lay on his side so he was more comfortable.

"Ethan? You ok buddy?" Cal asked rubbing his hand up and down his arm keeping him conscious.

"Doesn't… feel right." Ethan spoke quietly shivering slightly. "So cold."

Cal frowned. "I'm going to check the incision on your chest ok?" Cal spoke and allowed him to slowly roll onto his back.

Cal lifted his shirt and removed the dressing, looking at the wound it was an angry red colour, swollen with a horrible yellow/green liquid seeping from it.

"Ok mate, think you might have sepsis. I'm going to get your doctor. You'll probably need surgery to give this a good clean out ok?" Cal explained to his brother.

Ethan shook his head. "No… no surgery. Please." He was clearly scared.

"I'll get Connie, you trust her yeah?" Cal smiled.

Ethan looked at him but didn't protest, Cal took that as a yes and went off to find his boss.

Cal soon returned with Connie in tow to find Ethan yet again vomiting into a cardboard bowl groaning as every movement caused him pain.

"Alright Dr Hardy we're going to have you sedate you and clean this wound out, we can do it here." She told him after quickly looking it over.

Cal moved the bowl away and handed Ethan a tissue which he used to promptly wipe his mouth.

"Dr Knight, would you like to do the procedure?" She asked. "I can't because of my hand, but I will be here every step."

Cal looked at Ethan who nodded obviously having great confidence in his older brother after the past few days. Nodding Cal looked at Connie. "Let's get it done."

With Lofty assisting, Connie advising and Cal scrubbed up and ready they began to reopen the wound and clean it out thoroughly removing any infected tissue.

Cal couldn't quite believe that he was in this position again, his stood doing procedure that normally wouldn't bother him, just knowing it was his little brother that was on the table changed everything. One wrong slip and he'd be putting Ethan's life on the line. He was glad it was him in a way, he doubted he could trust anyone else to do it. At least he was in control.

Once they were finished Cal stitched up the wound and redressed it. He smiled to himself as he looked at the monitor to see Ethan's stats were still good and he was stable. Lofty gave him a pat on the shoulder and a smile which told him he'd done a good job.

"Good work Dr Knight." Connie smiled at her normally cocky ED doctor as he washed his hands in the sink and removed the apron.

"Thank you Mrs Beauchamp." He returned the smile.

"I've seen a different side to you lately, it's good. I'd like to see more of you performing like that." She smiled looking back through to Ethan who was beginning you come round. "But for now you need to be a big brother. Not a doctor."

Cal watched her leave, she had a habit of that. Saying something meaningful and then just walking away leaving you in awe. It was something Cal had never have come across in a boss. Most he'd had in the past were very chatty and liked to stand and have a conversation. Then again most of them would have to be to have even employed him.

Being brought back from his thoughts by his brother's hacking cough Cal went straight over and poured him some water before helping his sip some.

"My throat…" Ethan complained. "It's on fire."

"That's just of the intubation tube. It will ease off soon just drink plenty of water." He told him.

Ethan nodded. "How did it go?"

"It went well, it was well and truly infected though. But you know not to leave it that long in future yeah? It can be life threatening, you know that." He told him sitting down on his normal seat.

"Yeah…" He looked at him. "You look tired, you should go home and go to bed. Has to be better that sleeping on that chair."

Cal shook his head. "I'm fine. I'll grab a few hours in the on call room later."

"Can you remember…" Ethan started getting himself comfortable. "when we used to go in the back garden and tell Mum we were going to water the garden, then get the hose and end up having a water fight?"

"Yeah." Cal laughed slightly. "Then Mum would always come out and ask what was going on and we'd gang up and turn on her. She always ended up soaked through."

"Then going inside and drinking hot chocolate in our PJs on the sofa to warm us up." Ethan smiled looking at him. "Till Dad came home."

Cal nodded and smiled, it soon faded hearing his father being mentioned. "Yeah. I remember it all very well."

"He did love you Cal." Ethan told him.

"Had a funny way of showing it." Cal grumbled. "He made me feel so small while we were growing up. I was never good enough for him."

"He wanted what was best for you." Ethan sighed.

"I couldn't come home with A* grade and you could Ethan. That was his problem." He told him. "He wanted me to be as bright as you but I couldn't."

"You were better at different things, the people side of things. We're both doctors but with different strengths a weaknesses." Ethan frowned.

"Yes, I know that now. I'm not book smart like you but I can explain a complex procedure in simple terms to a child so they understand." He told him. "I hated you for so long. For setting him against me, for being perfect when I couldn't. Blamed you for it all if I'm honest."

"Yeah, I know you did." Ethan nodded. "We used to be as thick as thieves. Always together then school started, we chose our careers and life became a competition that no one could ever win. When Dad left and Mum got ill I had to deal with that on my own because you had ran away."

"I know you did, I'm sorry you had to. I should have been there. There is a lot I've done wrong Ethan. I won't deny it and hell I regret a lot but I can't change who I am. I can't change how I feel." Cal looked up slightly taking a deep breath.

"You're here now, and if you hadn't been I'd have been dead. For the first time since we were about 13 you've been a proper big brother to me. As for Mum. She'd be proud of you…" Ethan told him.

"I miss her." Cal admitted.

"I do too, every day I wish she was here I wish I could go to her every time I had a problem and I wished she was here right now, to tell you that you've done well. Finally grew up." He told him. "She put me in charge of your inheritance because she thought you were childish. You've proved to everyone that you can do the right thing and you can be a man and a brother."

"I always could Ethan. I might act it but I'm not the village idiot and I'm not going to say I'm perfect because I'm not but I do know right from wrong." He shook his head. "Things will be different now. I can't lose you."

"I'm your safety net right?" Ethan smiled a little and Cal nodded. "That's rubbish. You've been my safety net since the accident. You don't need me. We need each other."


End file.
